Mel

Just broken.

The Prodigy + a good few years = Shit. This is where you agree whole-heartedly. Their new song makes me want to kiss an Asian man so passionately that my ear drums pop out. Of course I wouldn't do that because I like women and I'm a one woman woman. Speaking of women, I seem to attract the crazies at work. A lady came to me the other day "DESPERATELY" needing a certain type of cheese, because if she didn't get the right type her partner wouldn't be very happy. Apparently he's very controlling, doesn't like her to wear any perfume besides Chanel No. 5 (so she puts different stuff on in the morning after he goes to work (because she can't afford Chanel No. 5) and then scrubs it off before he gets home)and sorts out all of her finances. Now she gets an $800 pension and apparently her bank account was $18 or $19 short, but when she went to the bank, the teller went through everything with her to make sure that they hadn't taken the extra money out. She was reluctant to suggest to her partner that he may have miscalculated, but told me that he may have gotten confused, as he was trying to do other calculations at the same time. She asked me not to mention it to anyone. I showed her where the cheese was and wished her a Merry Christmas. Today, as I was walking back from lunch, another lady stopped me and asked me where the milk was. After I told her, she said "Now I'll tell you...have you had your Christmas party yet?". When I said that we had, she followed me and told me to suggest the Bronco's Leagues Club for the Christmas party next year, because they have a $13 dollar buffet for 700 people and if you're a member there you can go in to the prize draw to win money, but she didn't know if they'd draw my number "of course". Apparently there are different things on every day leading up to Christmas and you can win great prizes. Her husband works in the TAFE across the road from the club, which is, I assume, why she knows so much about it, but it was like having an ad follow me around. I guess it breaks up the monotony of working in a supermarket.

I was in a jewellery store (I just typed "srot" and it reminded me of "scrotum" (the word, not an actual scrotum)) recently and one of the sales guys spotted my tattoos. He asked what they meant and then showed me a picture of his tattoo. It's a Fu (?) dog and will end up being a half sleeve when it's finished. It made me want to get another tattoo. It also made me realise that I miss myself. For whatever reason, lately, I haven't been doing any of the things that make me happy with myself. And I'm afraid that if I let them go, I'll get lazy (I'm already lazy) and my brain will become permanently glued to the couch in my head that it's currently occupying. So if anyone has any book or music suggestions, they'd be mighty welcome.
On the home front...I have one. I'm nesting. At work we use roll cages and when you get a bundle of 5 empty ones (and I'm not suggesting that any one of us are empty), you join them together using lovely blue straps and then they're "nested". I have Suz, Shadow (the cat), Nin (the fish) and Planty McPlantplant (the plant) in my cosy little bundle. The difference between us and roll cages is that we aren't being sent back to the DC to be ripped apart, loaded up and sent in different directions. I love my bundle.
I'm enjoying work at the moment. I especially like lunch. English is my managers' second language, and when he calls "savouries", "flavouries", I have trouble keeping a straight face. I stepped on a little old lady today. She crept up behind me while I had my head in the freezer and when I stepped back to close the door I stood on the back of her shoe and jammed her in between my back and her trolley. She must have been about 408. I could have popped her spleen. Actually a dairy department would be a good place to shuffle off this mortal coil. Someone could just push you in to the freezer to save you the embarrassment of stinking up the place.
Now I'm off to cut my hair. Wish me luck.

Actually, my life has gone from relatively empty to what the fuck am I going to do with this extra bit of life because it won't fit in to the life bag that I was allocated. So I stuffed it in my ear and it's currently sticking to the inside of my head, like the rest of whatever is in there. There's a ride at Dreamworld called the Gravitron (ooer innit, innit) and you stand upright against the wall while it spins faster and faster until you're stuck there. That's almost exactly what's happening in my head. Every now and then my brain vomits out something and to escape the horrible smell all the little words come rushing out of my mouth. I am officially a busy person. And sometimes that's crap. Yeah. Apparently my brain stopped puking.

Hold me closer Tony Danza.

I can't decide whether my ears are ringing or there's a high pitch noise coming from the computer. I haven't posted for ages and I'm not going to today. Hope your lives are all moving along spiffingly. Petrol prices are ridiculous!

I was wondering if old people find it hard to keep their mouths closed. I caught an old man looking at bacon today, mouth agape, and with the most foul look on his face. There was nothing wrong with the bacon...

Dear Meg Ryan,

What have you done to your face?

Love Mel

P.S. I work in a fly graveyard.

I don't know what to type. I haven't said anything of substance for a good while. I don't feel like I've had much time to reflect. I need to clean. I'm off work until the 3rd of January because I have something wrong with my back, possible glandular fever and there may be something wrong with my bowel (or something in that region). Anyway, I'm sad about Benazir Bhutto, Suz is great and I'm uncomfortable in this chair. The End.

My dog is a bit flatulent.

I voted Green, but COME ON LABOR!

I'm a little bit flatulent.

I'm slightly addicted to Fish Tycoon. Sad, yes I know.

There are two women who shop in the store that I work at and I'm certain they seek me out every time. One of them is about 3ft, has a squeeky voice and either asks for weird things or asks me to get things off of the top shelf for her and the other lady usually asks me about caffeine free coke or calamari chips EVERY WEEK and says "if you don't try it you won't know" (it actually sounds like "ee you doh try ee you woh knoh") a lot which she must find amusing, because she always has a little giggle to herself. She's also very hard to understand. Speaking of people who have really strong accents, when I was in Sydney I went to a little corner shop to see if I could buy a flea bomb. I had a look, couldn't see one, so I asked the man who was wandering about the store and he looked at me and said "Free Bong?". I repeated "Flea Bomb" and he said something in another language to his wife behind the counter and motioned for me to go over to her. She turned around, made some noises and pulled out some pain killers, so I said "No, no...flea bomb", set an imaginary flea bomb off and made a spraying noise. She said "Free bong?" and took me over to the sparklers. In the end I had to point to the Mortein, say "MORTEIN...KILLS FLEAS" and point in the general direction of their insect repellents for her to understand. I'm still not entirely sure if she did.

I love Suz, even if she did smell of cat piss earlier.

I'm in Sydney. I have a large breadstick and two Portuguese tarts.

LJ SCATTERGORIES!
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Mel
Famous Artist/Band/Musician:
4 letter word: Move
Vehicle: Mazda
TV SHOW: Malcolm in the Middle
Heroes: Minerva McGonnegal
City/Town: Melbourne
Boy Name: Malachai
Girl Name: Mary
Occupation: Mathematician
Something you wear: Moccasins
Celebrity: Minnie Driver
Food: Muffins
Something found in a kitchen: Me
Reason for Being Late: Masturbating
Cartoon Character: Mickey Mouse
Something You Shout: Meat
Current Mood: Marvelous

I really like it when people make a profit on Bargain Hunt, but I normally hate the people and want to squeeze the life out of them. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE *pop* They have a chastity belt on Antiques Roadshow and it has a hole for shitting/peeing out of...doesn't that defeat the purpose? What's to stop someone from poking their peen in the woman's pooper?

I'm bored so I'll type stuff.

The job I was offered a few weeks back didn't work out. I went for the interview after work and was told that they'd give my manager a call to see how soon they'd be able to get me over. A week later I had to ring them to see how it was going, only to be told that they weren't going ahead with my transfer. I was told by the grocery manager that the position they were giving me had been filled in store and they didn't think I was experienced enough for the only other full-time position available. I spoke to the manager of all the grocery departments in that region and unofficially, I didn't get the job because I don't look right. I have a facial piercing and wasn't business-like enough for their liking (two things that can be changed quite easily). I was just a little fucked off about it. In another work related situation, I was told quietly that the Grocery 2IC may be leaving in the not to distant future and his job was going to be given to John (a smarmy little 19 year old arse, who thinks he's god). I'm not working for someone who was 11 when I started working for Coles so I spoke to the Grocery manager and basically told him that I wanted to know everything I need to know to be able to get that job. It's not something I'd usually do, but I've decided to take some advice I was given and I'm going to start going after things I want instead of being overlooked and taken advantage of.

Suz and I are going well, she's moving in to our converted garage. It's like a little self-contained bedsit-type room. There are a couple of things I'm a little worried about (Suz might hate living here, it might put unnecessary strain on our relationship, my mum might act like a complete twat). BUT, it'll be great having her here and I'm absolutely positive that regardless of what happens, we'll be alright. She stayed here last week and coming home to her every afternoon after work was fantastic. I love her more every day.

How are you?

Last night a truck driver on a mobile phone decided it'd be a great idea to drive STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME while I was going around the roundabout. I honked my horn and called him a fucking idiot... actually I screamed "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!" Later on I almost got side-swiped by an arse in a 4WD. Driving to and around Sydney was relatively safe in comparison. The traffic there means you can only really drive about 40-60kph most of the time. My right hand is shaking and the man on the TV sounds like vin diesel with an Australian accent.

I'll post pretty pictures from Sydney soon. And maybe tell you about my love of The Suz.

Really, I have nothing to complain about, but that's never stopped me before. I should probably be a little more considerate of what my mother is going through, concerning MY sexuality. It must be really fucking hard for her. Imagine what people are saying behind HER back. There goes that dirty, dirty lesbians mother...you can always tell the mother of a lesbian by the way she dresses/walks/talks. Seriously though, having to be angry, ashamed and in a foul mood all the time must be an enormous burden. Having your daughter lie to you when you confronted her about her sexuality when she was 18, only to have her tell you 8 YEARS LATER that your suspicions were correct but she needed that time to figure it out for herself, automatically gives you the right to go off your nut at her for not telling you then. "I could have dealt with it then." Obviously the way you deal with your daughter's homosexuality differs depending on the year you're informed. It might have been easier in 1999.

In other news, I'm driving to Sydney next week. WOO road trip!